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THE WAHOO GAZETTE ARCHIVE Mike McIntee's popular Wahoo Gazette is archived here in the aptly- named Wahoo Gazette Archive. You can search by date, keyword, or show number, or even Dave's tie pattern (coming June 2012).
THE WAHOO GAZETTE ARCHIVE Mike McIntee's popular Wahoo Gazette is archived here in the aptly- named Wahoo Gazette Archive. You can search by date, keyword, or show number, or even Dave's tie pattern (coming June 2012).
Calista Flockhart; Bill Hader; and Lucinda Williams.
PLUS: Great Moments in Presidential Speeches; the Late Show Fun Facts book; the McCain campaign responds to the Palin criticism; Al Gore helping out; McCain's herbal supplement; George W. Bush How'd He Do; a Top Ten list; and Sarah Palin Twain.
" . . . and now, Vice Presidential dark horse . . . . . . David Letterman!"
ACT 1:
MONOLOGUE JOKE: Happy birthday, Kelly Ripa. I know she didn't get what she wanted, because this morning Regis was still there.
GREAT MOMENTS IN PRESIDENTIAL SPEECHES
Bush: something about SBA loans. . . . "Slow . . . Bureaucratic . . . . Paperwork" -- Buzz.
ACT 2:
Dave tells a story which I came in halfway through. Dave is talking about his dad who was a big Jack Benny fan. He bought a radio instead of food for the family. His reasoning: "I'd rather laugh than eat." And that goes double for the Late Show Fun Facts book Dave proudly chimes, "You'll laugh 'til your sternum splits." And the "Late Show Fun Facts" has been accepted into the "Oprah Book Club!" A copy of the book has an Oprah sticker to prove it. Would Oprah lead you astray?
Dave wonders how long it'll be before our show gets a "Cease and Desist" to put a stop to our Oprah Book Club claim.
The McCain campaign is still being criticized for limiting Sarah Palin's availability to the media. Earlier today, they issued this response.
Announce:
"Despite reports that we are afraid to have Sarah Palin engage the media, the McCain campaign would like to point out that Governor Palin has now spoken at length to several prominent journalists, which no topic off limits. What have we learned about Sarah Palin so far?"
We see a montage of Sarah Palin avoiding answering questions from recent interviews. At the end of the montage . . .
Announce: "Uhhh . . . we'll get back to you.
Sarah Palin: Co-Pilot of the straight talk express."
The Senate passed the bailout bill, but we're still waiting for the House of Representatives. Meanwhile, someone else has taken action. We look.
Announce:
"Congress is slowly moving closer to passing the emergency 700 billion dollar bailout package. However, the crisis demands immediate action by political leaders. Therefore, in order to rescue the vitally important American company, Sara Lee, Al Gore has purchased 200,000 frozen cheesecakes.
Al Gore: Still Fat."
There's a rumor going around that John McCain is taking an herbal supplement to help his memory. When asked about it, the McCain campaign issued this response.
Announce:
"A source close to the John McCain campaign says the Senator has been taking an herbal supplement to boost his memory. And while McCain admits there is some truth to the rumor, he has announced that he will immediately stop taking the memory supplement in a desperate attempt to forget this:"
We see a clip of Palin attempting to answer Katie Couric's questions about Supreme Court decisions.
"John McCain: What did I come in here for?"
With the President's 2nd term coming to an end, it's a good time to look back at his promises from his past convention speeches and compare them to his accomplishments. It's something we call, "George W. Bush How'd He Do."
We watch a montage of promises put forth by Bush at Convention 2000 and Convention 2004. As Hugh Downs would say during "Concentration" . . . . "not a match, the board goes back." Try as you might to draw a line from this convention speech promises to his accomplishments . . . . you'll find there is no end point; no connection; no completion. Just a lot of BUZZes.
ACT 3:
TOP TEN: Surprises In The Vice Presidential Debate
10. First question for Palin: "Why the hell do you keep agreeing to talk to Katie Couric?"
2. You could hear Hillary's muffled screams from the parking lot.
CALISTA FLOCKHART
She's from ABC's "Brothers and Sisters."
Vacation? Got any vacation stories? Calista is eager to tell of her time in Alaska this summer with her son Liam and Harrison Ford. I hear they are boyfriend/girlfriend. Liam is 7 years old vs. Dave's Harry who is 5. What should Dave expect these next two years? So far, Harry has been nothing but a sweet boy but he's concerned that he will become a punk. Calista says, "Well, it depends on the parents." She lets that sink in as Dave quickly measures that statement. It seems Dave doesn't like the tally of that equation. Calista says they start to lose their sweetness once they get to school. They'll come home with the dreaded, " . . . . whatever." But Calista says that even that is sweet because they are trying out new stuff and testing their boundaries.
We see some photos of Calista's trip to Alaska. No Hyatt, no Marriott, no Trump Tower for them in Alaska. They tented it. Dave imagines Harrison Ford to be a guy who can handle the wilderness; a guy who loves to walk around with a pick-ax over his shoulder to use to prepare camp. Calista says that doesn't quite match reality. She says of Harrison, "He puts on a flannel shirt and everyone thinks he's outdoorsy." Very funny. Calista then describes all the beauty of Alaska. She certainly paints a lovely mental picture. She urges Dave to take Harry there. Dave wonders which is better; Disneyland or Alaska? She puts Alaska on top. Dave gladly agrees, but I think Harry may get the final vote on that.
While in Alaska, you have to look out for bear and know what to do when you come across one. And you need to know how to react to a Grizzly as opposed to a Brown bear. You don't react the same to both. OK, so what are you supposed to do? "Excuse me, are you're a Grizzly or a Brown?" I just changed my mind. Disneyland.
And Calista's Liam is also playing the T-Ball/5-pitch baseball. Harry's involved with that, too. But Dave is somewhat concerned about Harry, saying "He now wants a gun." Hmm. In that case, Dave better make it Disneyland.
"Brothers and Sisters" - Sundays at 10:00 on ABC.
ACT 4:
And now it's time for a visit from Alaska's favorite humorist, Sarah Palin Twain.
We find Johnny Dark dressed as Sarah Palin in Mark Twain's living room telling Rodney Dangerfield-type jokes.
SARAH PALIN TWAIN: "Oh, hello, I didn't hear you come in. Twain's the name; Sarah Palin Twain.
-I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took my mother-in-law to the airport!
-I don't want to say my mother-in-law is dumb, but she thinks Taco Bell is a Mexican phone company.
-When she went on a hunting trip, she saw a sign that said 'Bear left' . . . . so she went home.
-And boy, is she fat. She's so fat when she wears yellow, people yell 'Taxi!'
-She's so fat, the first time she got on her rowing machine, it sank.
-She's so fat, she's on both sides of the family.
-She's so fat, her measurements are 38-26-38 . . . and that's just her arm.
Hit it, Paul!"
And then Sarah Palin Twain sings "North To Alaska"
ACT 5:
Announce: "Hey, America! The Tony Mendez Show is back with an all-new episode! Tune in and watch the excitement as Tony and the staff enjoy the new 'Late Show Fun Facts' book.
'Late Show Fun Facts,' now available at fine retailers everywhere!
We'll be right back."
ACT 6:
BILL HADER
From "Saturday Night Live" - Saturday nights, shot LIVE. Bill has had a busy summer, appearing in 3 big movie hits: "Forgetting Sarah Marshall," "Pineapple Express," and "Tropic Thunder." He was Tom Cruise's lackey in "Tropic Thunder." Before shooting began for the film, there was the customary first-time read through. Some big time actors were there: Jack Black, Ben Stiller, Robert Downey, Jr . . . . and then Tom Cruise came in. Tom gave a big greeting to everybody by name . . . . and then came to Bill. Bill could tell Tom was trying to place him. Bill subtly gave some clues to his identity. Tom was still lost and simply said, "I like your work." With a little more work on Bill's part, the light finally clicked in Tom's head; "You do impressions! You're on 'Saturday Night Live'!"
One of Bill's first jobs in the business was as a production assistant on the movie "Collateral Damage" starring Arnold Schwarzenegger. Bill was asked to operate a door in one scene. He was positioned over the door and he had to open and close it on cue. So Arnold comes running up to the door and starts banging, "Open the door! There's a bomb in there!" Bill gets his cue and pulls open the door as hard as he could. But he yanked them open too hard and they rebounded closed. The closing doors almost took Arnold's face off. Yup. Acting is easier than being a production assistant.
"Saturday Night Live" - this week's host: Anne Hathaway. Musical Guest: The Killers.
ACT 7:
LUCINDA WILLIAMS: From her soon-to-be released album, "Little Honey," Lucinda performed "Real Love."
And that was our show for Thursday, October 2, 2008.
The fact that Sarah Palin didn't run off the stage weeping makes her appearance at the debate a success. I think it's what many people thought was going to happen.
I sat down to watch the debate with a curious fascination. Either Biden or Palin were capable of making a Quayle-size goof. Unfortunately, the debate went off without much fodder for weeks of comedy. The anticipation was that of a big heavyweight championship fight, but it turned into 15 rounds of dancing and jabs. Nobody was knocked to the canvas, nobody was bloodied.
First question was for Biden. It was something about this past week in Congress. Was the behavior and actions of Congress concerning the bailout a positive or a negative? Five seconds into his Biden's response and I was screaming at the TV, "That's not the question!" Senator Joe was off and running about how the Bush Administration has screwed up these past 8 years. But what about how Congress behaved this week? And most of the night was like that. I found myself saying out loud again and again to both V.P. candidates, "But that's not the question!"
Most responses involve the candidate verbally circling around the question until they hit upon a stream of the scripted and prepared. And then they are off on a line of talk they've practiced a hundred times in front of their handlers. But it's a game we've learned to accept. They each have 15 prepared speeches to tell and they get to them no matter the question.
And from what I could tell, moderator Gwen Ifill did a fine job of not giving opportunity to Republicans to accuse her of perceived bias. She played it down the middle, fair and square.
New York Knick basketball is always good for a laugh. The team desperately wants to get rid of their high-salaried guard Stephon Marbury. They are willing to pay big money to anyone who will take him off their hands. They would pay just so he wouldn't be on the team. I laughed when Marbury responded, "I'm not taking it personally at all." That's right: "Get out of here! We hate you! Leave! We don't want you!" But that shouldn't be taken personally.
Hey, Late Show Interns! Want to write a Wahoo Gazette? First one to read this and tell me, "I want to write a Wahoo Gazette" will get to write a Wahoo Gazette. What a great opportunity! Who knows where something like that could lead?
This contest will continue until a Late Show intern reads the Wahoo. Unfortunately, this could go on for weeks.
Every time I think I want to start rooting for the Tampa Bay Rays, I see their stadium and I can't do it. My hopes to make the World Series
Chicago Cubs
Anaheim Angels of Los Angeles of Orange County of California
Tampa Bay Rays
Milwaukee Brewers
Philadelphia Phillies
Chicago White Sox
Boston Red Sox
Los Angeles Dodgers of Los Angeles
Actually, when I look at it all I'm really doing is rooting for the Cubs and against the Dodgers and Red Sox. The rest can be mixed and matched. I feel the Red Sox have won too many World Series recently. OUCH! My fingers hurt just typing that. And who would have ever thought those words could be put together in a sentence . . . . "Red Sox . . . . won too many . . . . World Series." But those Red Sox could move up my preference order. I like their players; I like their manager; I like their uniforms; I like their stadium; I like their fans. I know, you wouldn't expect a Yankee fan to sound like this, but Yankee fans would love to have these Red Sox in the Bronx Bomber uniform, plus Jeter and Mariano.
Come to think of it, put the Red Sox up a couple notches. I go around their lineup and I like every one of them. And I just might root for them in the World Series just as long as they win it at home.
Let's take a look at how my April predictions panned out: I picked the San Diego Padres vs. the Toronto Blue Jays in the World Series. You can look at the above list and you won't find either.
Ending world hunger is within our grasp. www.wfp.org/lateshow
CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
Someone I would sometimes correspond with way back in the days of Prodigy, it's comedian Steve McGrew.
This concludes another episode of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
Calista Flockhart; Bill Hader; and Lucinda Williams.
PLUS: Great Moments in Presidential Speeches; the Late Show Fun Facts book; the McCain campaign responds to the Palin criticism; Al Gore helping out; McCain's herbal supplement; George W. Bush How'd He Do; a Top Ten list; and Sarah Palin Twain.
" . . . and now, Vice Presidential dark horse . . . . . . David Letterman!"
ACT 1:
MONOLOGUE JOKE: Happy birthday, Kelly Ripa. I know she didn't get what she wanted, because this morning Regis was still there.
GREAT MOMENTS IN PRESIDENTIAL SPEECHES
Bush: something about SBA loans. . . . "Slow . . . Bureaucratic . . . . Paperwork" -- Buzz.
ACT 2:
Dave tells a story which I came in halfway through. Dave is talking about his dad who was a big Jack Benny fan. He bought a radio instead of food for the family. His reasoning: "I'd rather laugh than eat." And that goes double for the Late Show Fun Facts book Dave proudly chimes, "You'll laugh 'til your sternum splits." And the "Late Show Fun Facts" has been accepted into the "Oprah Book Club!" A copy of the book has an Oprah sticker to prove it. Would Oprah lead you astray?
Dave wonders how long it'll be before our show gets a "Cease and Desist" to put a stop to our Oprah Book Club claim.
The McCain campaign is still being criticized for limiting Sarah Palin's availability to the media. Earlier today, they issued this response.
Announce:
"Despite reports that we are afraid to have Sarah Palin engage the media, the McCain campaign would like to point out that Governor Palin has now spoken at length to several prominent journalists, which no topic off limits. What have we learned about Sarah Palin so far?"
We see a montage of Sarah Palin avoiding answering questions from recent interviews. At the end of the montage . . .
Announce: "Uhhh . . . we'll get back to you.
Sarah Palin: Co-Pilot of the straight talk express."
The Senate passed the bailout bill, but we're still waiting for the House of Representatives. Meanwhile, someone else has taken action. We look.
Announce:
"Congress is slowly moving closer to passing the emergency 700 billion dollar bailout package. However, the crisis demands immediate action by political leaders. Therefore, in order to rescue the vitally important American company, Sara Lee, Al Gore has purchased 200,000 frozen cheesecakes.
Al Gore: Still Fat."
There's a rumor going around that John McCain is taking an herbal supplement to help his memory. When asked about it, the McCain campaign issued this response.
Announce:
"A source close to the John McCain campaign says the Senator has been taking an herbal supplement to boost his memory. And while McCain admits there is some truth to the rumor, he has announced that he will immediately stop taking the memory supplement in a desperate attempt to forget this:"
We see a clip of Palin attempting to answer Katie Couric's questions about Supreme Court decisions.
"John McCain: What did I come in here for?"
With the President's 2nd term coming to an end, it's a good time to look back at his promises from his past convention speeches and compare them to his accomplishments. It's something we call, "George W. Bush How'd He Do."
We watch a montage of promises put forth by Bush at Convention 2000 and Convention 2004. As Hugh Downs would say during "Concentration" . . . . "not a match, the board goes back." Try as you might to draw a line from this convention speech promises to his accomplishments . . . . you'll find there is no end point; no connection; no completion. Just a lot of BUZZes.
ACT 3:
TOP TEN: Surprises In The Vice Presidential Debate
10. First question for Palin: "Why the hell do you keep agreeing to talk to Katie Couric?"
2. You could hear Hillary's muffled screams from the parking lot.
CALISTA FLOCKHART
She's from ABC's "Brothers and Sisters."
Vacation? Got any vacation stories? Calista is eager to tell of her time in Alaska this summer with her son Liam and Harrison Ford. I hear they are boyfriend/girlfriend. Liam is 7 years old vs. Dave's Harry who is 5. What should Dave expect these next two years? So far, Harry has been nothing but a sweet boy but he's concerned that he will become a punk. Calista says, "Well, it depends on the parents." She lets that sink in as Dave quickly measures that statement. It seems Dave doesn't like the tally of that equation. Calista says they start to lose their sweetness once they get to school. They'll come home with the dreaded, " . . . . whatever." But Calista says that even that is sweet because they are trying out new stuff and testing their boundaries.
We see some photos of Calista's trip to Alaska. No Hyatt, no Marriott, no Trump Tower for them in Alaska. They tented it. Dave imagines Harrison Ford to be a guy who can handle the wilderness; a guy who loves to walk around with a pick-ax over his shoulder to use to prepare camp. Calista says that doesn't quite match reality. She says of Harrison, "He puts on a flannel shirt and everyone thinks he's outdoorsy." Very funny. Calista then describes all the beauty of Alaska. She certainly paints a lovely mental picture. She urges Dave to take Harry there. Dave wonders which is better; Disneyland or Alaska? She puts Alaska on top. Dave gladly agrees, but I think Harry may get the final vote on that.
While in Alaska, you have to look out for bear and know what to do when you come across one. And you need to know how to react to a Grizzly as opposed to a Brown bear. You don't react the same to both. OK, so what are you supposed to do? "Excuse me, are you're a Grizzly or a Brown?" I just changed my mind. Disneyland.
And Calista's Liam is also playing the T-Ball/5-pitch baseball. Harry's involved with that, too. But Dave is somewhat concerned about Harry, saying "He now wants a gun." Hmm. In that case, Dave better make it Disneyland.
"Brothers and Sisters" - Sundays at 10:00 on ABC.
ACT 4:
And now it's time for a visit from Alaska's favorite humorist, Sarah Palin Twain.
We find Johnny Dark dressed as Sarah Palin in Mark Twain's living room telling Rodney Dangerfield-type jokes.
SARAH PALIN TWAIN: "Oh, hello, I didn't hear you come in. Twain's the name; Sarah Palin Twain.
-I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took my mother-in-law to the airport!
-I don't want to say my mother-in-law is dumb, but she thinks Taco Bell is a Mexican phone company.
-When she went on a hunting trip, she saw a sign that said 'Bear left' . . . . so she went home.
-And boy, is she fat. She's so fat when she wears yellow, people yell 'Taxi!'
-She's so fat, the first time she got on her rowing machine, it sank.
-She's so fat, she's on both sides of the family.
-She's so fat, her measurements are 38-26-38 . . . and that's just her arm.
Hit it, Paul!"
And then Sarah Palin Twain sings "North To Alaska"
ACT 5:
Announce: "Hey, America! The Tony Mendez Show is back with an all-new episode! Tune in and watch the excitement as Tony and the staff enjoy the new 'Late Show Fun Facts' book.
'Late Show Fun Facts,' now available at fine retailers everywhere!
We'll be right back."
ACT 6:
BILL HADER
From "Saturday Night Live" - Saturday nights, shot LIVE. Bill has had a busy summer, appearing in 3 big movie hits: "Forgetting Sarah Marshall," "Pineapple Express," and "Tropic Thunder." He was Tom Cruise's lackey in "Tropic Thunder." Before shooting began for the film, there was the customary first-time read through. Some big time actors were there: Jack Black, Ben Stiller, Robert Downey, Jr . . . . and then Tom Cruise came in. Tom gave a big greeting to everybody by name . . . . and then came to Bill. Bill could tell Tom was trying to place him. Bill subtly gave some clues to his identity. Tom was still lost and simply said, "I like your work." With a little more work on Bill's part, the light finally clicked in Tom's head; "You do impressions! You're on 'Saturday Night Live'!"
One of Bill's first jobs in the business was as a production assistant on the movie "Collateral Damage" starring Arnold Schwarzenegger. Bill was asked to operate a door in one scene. He was positioned over the door and he had to open and close it on cue. So Arnold comes running up to the door and starts banging, "Open the door! There's a bomb in there!" Bill gets his cue and pulls open the door as hard as he could. But he yanked them open too hard and they rebounded closed. The closing doors almost took Arnold's face off. Yup. Acting is easier than being a production assistant.
"Saturday Night Live" - this week's host: Anne Hathaway. Musical Guest: The Killers.
ACT 7:
LUCINDA WILLIAMS: From her soon-to-be released album, "Little Honey," Lucinda performed "Real Love."
And that was our show for Thursday, October 2, 2008.
The fact that Sarah Palin didn't run off the stage weeping makes her appearance at the debate a success. I think it's what many people thought was going to happen.
I sat down to watch the debate with a curious fascination. Either Biden or Palin were capable of making a Quayle-size goof. Unfortunately, the debate went off without much fodder for weeks of comedy. The anticipation was that of a big heavyweight championship fight, but it turned into 15 rounds of dancing and jabs. Nobody was knocked to the canvas, nobody was bloodied.
First question was for Biden. It was something about this past week in Congress. Was the behavior and actions of Congress concerning the bailout a positive or a negative? Five seconds into his Biden's response and I was screaming at the TV, "That's not the question!" Senator Joe was off and running about how the Bush Administration has screwed up these past 8 years. But what about how Congress behaved this week? And most of the night was like that. I found myself saying out loud again and again to both V.P. candidates, "But that's not the question!"
Most responses involve the candidate verbally circling around the question until they hit upon a stream of the scripted and prepared. And then they are off on a line of talk they've practiced a hundred times in front of their handlers. But it's a game we've learned to accept. They each have 15 prepared speeches to tell and they get to them no matter the question.
And from what I could tell, moderator Gwen Ifill did a fine job of not giving opportunity to Republicans to accuse her of perceived bias. She played it down the middle, fair and square.
New York Knick basketball is always good for a laugh. The team desperately wants to get rid of their high-salaried guard Stephon Marbury. They are willing to pay big money to anyone who will take him off their hands. They would pay just so he wouldn't be on the team. I laughed when Marbury responded, "I'm not taking it personally at all." That's right: "Get out of here! We hate you! Leave! We don't want you!" But that shouldn't be taken personally.
Hey, Late Show Interns! Want to write a Wahoo Gazette? First one to read this and tell me, "I want to write a Wahoo Gazette" will get to write a Wahoo Gazette. What a great opportunity! Who knows where something like that could lead?
This contest will continue until a Late Show intern reads the Wahoo. Unfortunately, this could go on for weeks.
Every time I think I want to start rooting for the Tampa Bay Rays, I see their stadium and I can't do it. My hopes to make the World Series
Chicago Cubs
Anaheim Angels of Los Angeles of Orange County of California
Tampa Bay Rays
Milwaukee Brewers
Philadelphia Phillies
Chicago White Sox
Boston Red Sox
Los Angeles Dodgers of Los Angeles
Actually, when I look at it all I'm really doing is rooting for the Cubs and against the Dodgers and Red Sox. The rest can be mixed and matched. I feel the Red Sox have won too many World Series recently. OUCH! My fingers hurt just typing that. And who would have ever thought those words could be put together in a sentence . . . . "Red Sox . . . . won too many . . . . World Series." But those Red Sox could move up my preference order. I like their players; I like their manager; I like their uniforms; I like their stadium; I like their fans. I know, you wouldn't expect a Yankee fan to sound like this, but Yankee fans would love to have these Red Sox in the Bronx Bomber uniform, plus Jeter and Mariano.
Come to think of it, put the Red Sox up a couple notches. I go around their lineup and I like every one of them. And I just might root for them in the World Series just as long as they win it at home.
Let's take a look at how my April predictions panned out: I picked the San Diego Padres vs. the Toronto Blue Jays in the World Series. You can look at the above list and you won't find either.
Ending world hunger is within our grasp. www.wfp.org/lateshow
CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
Someone I would sometimes correspond with way back in the days of Prodigy, it's comedian Steve McGrew.
This concludes another episode of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
ACT 1 • Show Open • Dave's Monologue Watch now • Great Moments In Presidential Speeches
ACT 2 • "Late Show Fun Facts" Book -- Oprah's Book Club • Sarah Palin: Co-Pilot of the Straight Talk Express • Al Gore: Still Fat • John McCain: What Did I Come In Here For? • George W. Bush How'd He Do?
ACT 3 • Top Ten Surprises In The Vice Presidential Debate Read now
